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Ereptile Malfunction
Ereptile Malfunction is a Chaotic Evil Shitposter. He resides somewhere in Australia given his frequent bizarre logon times and references to Australian Culture (woollies, spiders and goon). He maintains that inserting a lemon into one's "chamber" is one of the best remedies for just about everything. He also has a burning need for someone to "vore him up inside" Common Motifs Ereptile's humor is often based around a few repeating (and often intermingled) themes. These include: * Lemons * Vore * "William" and "Richard" * "Chamber" * Yu-gi-oh! (Duel Monsters) * Hydraulic press * Obscene acts involving all of the above * Dermatologists HATING him * Eating pants * Amputating water, to cope * Australiana * Mr Manhands Physical Description Ereptile describes himself as being "a thick veiny neck perched atop twink legs, no torso no head". He is "a pure shitposting machine" and his "legs exist only to be a cabinet of bad humour" Alternate Forms Mushroom Ereptile was turned into a mushroom by Monk Zoltor the All-Seeing after Zoltor granted Ereptile's wish to become a fungus. It is unknown whether or not Ereptile maintains this form, or if Zoltor's wish-granting was only a temporary effect. Vessel for Mr Manhands Ereptile is able to become enhanced by the powers and spirit of Mr Manhands during a time of great crisis. Origin Story Ereptile was born when Poophands pissed on a rock Personal Life He is in an open relationship with Natter user Kiran Memelord and the Washington Monument. Kiran and Ereptile have produced several beautiful human faced horse children. Ereptile and Lucy recularly exchange food. Lucy once gave him a flan, only to become outraged when Ereptile kissed it, telling him that reptile's don't have mouths. Lucy also became angered when Ereptile offered them a pineapple, saying they'd feed it to their ducks. Ereptile is a great sweet manz who is daddy goals. He may be aussie and have that shitty but sexy accent, but he is one of a kind. His post bring smiles to many natter users especially King Tit. His shit posting is one of a kind and Ereptile is a one great old mate. He also wants to fuck seabiscuit. The Bitch Susan The bitch Susan (pigeon) insulted Kiran and Ereptile's children. What a bitch. Kiran may have killed her. Notable Relationships He maintains close relationships with many natter users which he shows through use of affectionate nicknames these include Thomas The Train (train daddy, old mate, Tomo), King Tut (TIT, King toot, tut), Guy Fieri? (food daddy), Poophands (father, pops). the Australian Way of Life When asked by Megane how Australians stay upright given their position on the underside of the world, Ereptile answered it was by applying a coating of vegemite to their feet. He later posted an image, demonstrating the correct application. Controversy Ereptile is known to hold many controversial opinions. These include * A love for pineapple on pizza * love of Pineapple in general * Vegemite being good * use of an Android Phone * Love of cereal * Love of vore * use of Australian Spelling * thinking Harry Potter is shit * personally doesn't enjoy tweed hats, as they remind him of the darkness he buried away as a teen * scratching his back with a fork like some kind of heathen this is by no means an exhaustive list, this boy is full of controversy Accolades Ereptile was declared to have the Best Leg Hair on Natter, after defeating Tickles, Juicy and Joshua Riddle. It should be noted that Juicy was disqualified due to not having a ruler, and Josh dropped out before the Final Measuring. Tickles was confidant, but Ereptile proved to be in possession of superior leg hair. Assets As well as being in possession of some seriously luxuriant leg hair, Ereptile also has an active Lamborghini Account containing 47 million Lamborghinis, which he shared with natter users at one point. Accusations Ereptile is accused (but yet to be convicted) of many crimes, including: * wanting to frick Spirit * wanting to frick "secratataitit" * wanting to "love" seabiscuit * being a lemon masquerading as an ereptile Beings that live in or visit Ereptile's House Ereptile's house appears to be a thriving ecosystem. Ereptile has a refrigerator full of dancing skeletons (one of whom is heavily implied to be Tickles). He often complains about them stealing his snacks. They tuck him in and rub onions into his feet. He says that they are good men, who only ask for snacks in return for this important service. Ereptile laments that he was unable to join their dancing due to a curse placed on him at the age of 3 when he angered the Dance Dance Revolution Game by telling him he hated dancing. Ereptile fears that if he tests DDR, the entity may harm his skeletal friends. The skeleton's sometimes steal the neighbors pants from their drier and leave them on his bed. Ereptile's neighbors are kindhearted, and he feels a little bad about the theft, but he needs a hot meal so he does what he has to do. Ereptile also mentioned the presence of "Sentient turtle shells that crackle around in the vents". They are mean and vengeful, and ask for too much. Ereptile is just a boy, he can't be the provider of high quality stained glass to a family of sentient shells. Honestly he feels overworked, but he does it out of love. The biggest of the shells gets his shell polished on Ereptile's toes when he sleeps. Ereptile is visited by a Wool Ball every 10 weeks, who leaves cut up cantaloupe hidden around his house to rot. It is implied that Succ Orb also has some kind of relationship with this Wool Ball. Ereptile was also visited by a Woman Wearing Nothing But Denim and Tweed. Ereptile told her that as much as he regretted her misfortunes, he could not allow her to acquire his youthful eye. He had learned the hard was to trust the tingles deep within his veiny masculine hands. Succ Orb lives in the water between the Walls or Ereptile's house, swimming around and eating cheese morsels Mr Manhands vs Officer Shitpost Incident "mr mandhands, bring me justice" After having a shitpost (allegedly) plagiarized by Natter user Succ Orb, Ereptile evoked an ancient and mighty force by calling upon "Mr Manhands", as previously mentioned his his post "mr manhands, man me a hand" Upon hearing this, Succ Orb posted "fool... Mr manhands is nothing before the power of Officer Shipost" Natter user Uncle Louie's Polka Party alleged that Officer Shitpost "was their dad"; however, the Officer was revealed to be an incredibly powerful and malevolent entity of "chaos and destruction", as opposed to Mr Manhands, who "fights for justice with his meaty fists". And so the war began. The titans clashed and millions were killed in the crossfire. Later, Succ Orb apologized to Uncle Louie's Polka Party for "turning their dad into a deity of chaos". It is not known how the war ended, however, Mr Manhands appears to be alive and well judging by Ereptile's continued infrequent references to him. Presumably, Officer Shitpost has been sealed away in the realm of shadows, where he shall slumber until he is called upon once more. Ascension Incident after a period of stagnation, Kiran came online and started posting about vore, fucking blenders, and other kinky bullshit. Being Kiran's kinky lover, Ereptile was an accomplice to these crimes. After being asked to stop several times by just about eberyone, Kiran declared they were going to "stab ceaser and fuck his knife holes" (Ereptile later complained "are MY knife holes not good enough for you Kiran" which didn't help) This was enough to send King Tut over the edge. Tut ascended for the second time, assuming the form of Godly King Tut. Krungle raised the shields, and despite Deeva's lore-breaking shennannigans, they were never officially lowered. Ereptile made himself scarce at that point, not wanting to be injured in the crossfire. Void Incident During the events of the Void vs ￹￹ incident, Ereptile was somehow pulled into the void. Not wanting their friend to be lost forever within the unknowable abyss, Tut briefly ascended in order to extract Ereptile from the Void. Classic Posts "Trick youth face,, first take, your mother's pearls smash them Between teeth kill her vengeful spirit" "after you fuk blender you can make a tasty smoothie with your spare duel monsters cards" "I activate my monster's special abilittittes" "My hole is smoking" "If you lose a vegetable in your ASS is it vore if so is it a voregtable" "�� �� ��️��️gina" "Catch me behind the christmas tree spooning pudding into my chamber" "tears stream from my face/ daddy please / I enter his intestines / my resting place" "I felt your heartbeat in your sphincter as you consumed me I believe this was the true love" "I like my men how I like my food: hot and slathered in butter" "Dark Mr Manhands bring me more hands to hack art" "Realign my meat" "Every day Mr manhands grows enough hands firsic all the men in the lands" "He sends them down so all the men wake up with brand new hands in their beddsic" "In exchange he takes toursic old hands to feed on" "Smelt my belt" "Can I get a free quote for surgery on my funny bone I think it's broken nobody laughter at my jokes" "When will food daddy ����️��️ me" Category:Natters Category:Natters with Ascendant Forms